Effective is being an outer and an inner winner in life. To win is not to be better than the other, but to drop the agony while excelling in the outer and inner world. One has to manage the inner world of thoughts, of feelings and emotions, etcetera, and outer world of achievement, people management, crisis management and reaching one's goals.

Being effective is managing one's passion in spite of ups and downs of life. The real enemy "in life" is not difficult situations, but the mind, which is unwilling to be flexible, resistant to explore, and addicted to its own way of doing things.

To discipline oneself to genuine achievement is being extremely effective. Lot of people's achievement is based on glamour or what society is validating. But the challenge is to determine the core of what "you want" and materialize that want in the world. This will bring, effectiveness and excellence, in one's life.

More than viewing the issues connected with "managing to be effective" as problems, one has to learn to handle such issues as challenges. The great challenge in trying to be effective is social pressures that one is subjected to.

One is dragged by mass hypnosis. There is self-hypnosis and social hypnosis. Is not respectability a social hypnosis? Please look into it. Hence, we sell our soul for respectability. Just don't believe because I am saying. The need for conformity has arisen because of the mass hypnosis that respectability is equal to happiness. Due to this, fear is born. One has to conform to social norms or one will be discarded, and the risk of being discarded is painful.

We conform to society because of the need to be accepted, and to some extent respected and belonged. We are afraid that we will be discarded, if we do not conform to the society. Please note this clearly. Observe this properly. Don't intellectualize and defend by saying, "It is normal and all that stuff".

The technique to be learnt is the ability to observe and not just defend. That is the right direction. The etymological meaning of discipline is learning. Learning should occur by cognition and not just by concepts. Concepts are words and jargons. Cognition happens when you are in touch with "what is" and gain an insight from "what is".

Getting acceptance from society gives you an illusion of satisfaction and confidence. Can you see what happens to you when the Society says, "yes" to you and "accepts" you? Can you see it clearly?

If you see it clearly, then you will find nothing has happened. Your fear continues. Your fear that society can refuse to accept you continue to remain. The stress of appeasing the society continues. No quality change happened in oneself. This you should see, and not accept because I have said.

A guru only guides you, but you should take the journey. A guru is a sign post but you should travel to reach the goal of understanding. You have to absorb the food, and the guru can't digest for you. Don't be naive or you will be exploited in the name of trust and faith.

First change your attitude from looking at life as problems to challenges. Then see how social hypnosis of respectability is imprisoning you. See yourself, don't believe, and don't accept because a guru is saying. You see it. Then you will receive an insight and that insight will destroy your fear.

When you compare with the other and learn to get inspired, and in the process ensure that you don't beat yourself up, is creative comparing. But, in comparing with the other instead of getting inspired, you tell yourself how you are unhappy, and how lucky the other is. This comparison makes you a victim of someone's success and someone's failure. But without being a "victim", if one is available for comparing with the other, then that openness will reveal the structures or formulas of "other's" success and one will see what is not working within and will be available to edit or modify one's inner structure.

But without being a "victim", if one is available for comparing with the other, then that openness will reveal the structures or formulas of "other's" success and one will see what is not working within and will be available to edit or modify one's inner structure.

For example, if your neighbor is an accomplished speaker and you creatively compare yourself, what will happen? You will see what makes him a terrific speaker, his pause, his pace, his pitch etcetera. You will learn how his voice modulates, where he gives importance in his speaking. You will notice his "open or close statements", his multiple closes in his speech, like the "ownership close or value close". You will take note of his body posture, his sense of humour and his punch lines etcetera.

At the same time, you will be grateful since he is giving you tips to improve your speaking skills. You will celebrate his success and sharpen your speaking skills. You will learn to be a victor rather than a victim.

That is not the issue. Blindly following, and then conforming shows that deep within you are not using your brain. Understanding and following are hugely different. Most of the time, in the name of religion or tradition, one conforms blindly for fear that society or one's religious group will reject if not followed. Many traditions are pathetic but still people just follow them.

If we don't use our brain, we will lose it. Our mind has become an invisible prison. We follow due to fear, and fear is eating us slowly. It is like having a snake in your home, and you don't know when it will attack you.

People have all kinds of fear, fear of death, fear of loneliness, fear of being rejected, and fear of darkness. Just observe this clearly. Don't get lost in recognizing them. Recognition is different from observing. Recognition is a function of memory because you are validating an already known factor. But observing is seeing it now, right now, non-verbally watching its pranks. Insight happens in this space of observation and not by recognition.

Fear exists when you want to "become" something. Only when you want to become something in the future, then your inner conversations are, "Will I reach my goal? If I don't reach, what will people say of me?" Then this brings about fear, see this clearly, just don't blindly agree to what I am saying.

We inwardly desire to "become" someone because the present is no more a present or a gift. We are not available to determine the magic of the moment, the fullness of the moment. Why can't we see the fullness of the moment? Because, the mind says future is going to give me satisfaction, safety or fulfillment, one is not alive to the present. And in that state of mind, one is not sensitive to see the fullness of the moment. You have to see this clearly. It should be your experience and not a mere concept.

Learn not to fall in love but learn to rise in love. To fall in love is to be caught in your dogma of what you want out of love. If you can learn to give out of love, rather than wanting something out of love, then you will rise in love. For me, being a lover means being a lover of life, and not a lover of "this" or "that". This or that is included in love but not entrapped in love. I love a person, but I set my love free from what I want or expect of that person; else my love is conditioned and entrapped with my "want". This quality of living is an inner art. There is outer art, where you see external beauty. One does not explore this inner art and hence one lives a gross life.

Relationship is messy because love is not free from one's prejudice, conclusion, dogmas, expectations, and they add "overtones" to your life. For me, when I love someone my love is "on life" and that person is contained in life. The room exists in the space even though space is contained in the room but not limited by the room. My love to the other is on life, and my beloved is residing in the "ground of being of life". When one has this acuity, this acumen, then a person leaving you or parting with you is only a movement in the space of love. A person by destroying the room does not destroy space even though room's space is destroyed. Can you appreciate the above difference?

In such a space of love, true art is born. This is meditative love and not maddening love, which leads to suffering. When one has this love, and out of this love a statue of Buddha, Krishna or Jesus is created, then it has a different luster. When you look at the life of such eminent people, something settles down within you. Some silence descends just by seeing them. From such a space, a temple is created.

Gurdjieff called this as objective art. This helps you to be centered, to be still. Whereas other art is an expression of the subject - ego (self-love). This is more a vomiting, rather than a meditative flow. The objective art will disappear if meditator disappears. Objective art is child like, whereas the art of the subject - ego - is childish. In the same way, love, which gives suffering, is childish, and love, which gives a peak experience, is child like - objective. When you love someone with your demands, there is the push and pull of the subject, the ego and its demands. So you love your demands, and if someone does not fit into your demands, you feel miserable. But when you love someone objectively, seeing the glory of life, the beloved body is a wave and the ocean is life. The wave may disappear, but the ocean exits. Your beloved may disappear, but love still remains, like the presence of the ocean.

If one observes life deeply, one will find that one is programmed or conditioned. In my LIFE workshops, I ask the participants to tell their names and then ask a question is this "your name"? It is not. People may initially find difficulty in grasping. Your name is not written in your blood, bones or into any part of you. A name is given, and you get identified by it. Thus, you sell your life for that so called name. See the depth of one's inner foolishness.

Hence, one is a victim of one's programming. One's religion, caste etcetera is also a part of the programming. Most of us refuse to see this basic truth since we are heavily programmed. Like how a terrorist is programmed in a subtle way, a different foolishness is being installed in us unknowingly. A terrorist feels protected in his group, is he truly protected? A person feels protected when in a community. In reality, is there protection and security? A foolish sense of security, foolish sense of joy is installed in all of us.

A person who takes drugs feels he will be happy after he has taken the drugs. But, one who does not take drugs, knows that the person who is taking drugs is going to be miserable even though for some time, he may feel the pleasure. The person taking drugs is sucked into such foolish pleasure because he is programmed to think drugs will give him joy. Thus, one is programmed by the idea of pleasure, security, growth and even one's religion. Religion is meant to free you. Instead, it appears to bind you. Hence, the "self" is tied down.

When I say "choose not to be", I am saying "let go" this programmed self and only then something beyond the immeasurable descends.

When one is "free" inwardly, then with that inner free space, one can choose wisely. If, however, the self is messed up with one's conditioning, then one's choosing is an extension of one's inner bondage. If the brain is not free from programming, then how can one freely see "what is" so as to make a decision? So the first step is to free your brain from the maddening self with its programming. Then you will be objective and then make your choice a decision from inner freedom. If you have two jobs to choose and decide, then see the advantage and disadvantage of each job and then it is easy to decide. See the pros and cons and then decide. If you don't decide, then you have decided not to decide.

Being at peace with "what is" is relaxation. When one is centered in the silent pool of the "now" and reside in peace, one's inner energy is not greedy to go somewhere into the future or preoccupied in the past. In that space, one's energy is in delight, one's energy shows up as divine nectar. Then, one will be sensitive to what is and that sensitivity is being creative. Once you are at peace with yourself, creativity will emerge. We need to ask ourself whether we are giving space to all that. Energy can have two dimensions; one rushing somewhere and the other reveling and rejoicing in the "now".

Reflect on this:

Two Lorries were parked facing backward. A man was transferring the luggage from one to the other. A person who just heard a motivational lecture was passing that side. The person saw the scene and thought that the man needed some help. He rushed and took out the luggage that the man was putting it in. The direction and the effort of the passerby had the opposite effect. The passerby, upon understanding the situation, vanished from the scene.

Sometimes we try to help the "other", but it may be against the wellbeing of the other. One has to have clarity even in one's effort to help. Give space for understanding to exist.

When in conversation with another person, be aware that you are not arguing. In argument, one is filled with words and one is busy proving one's point of view. In such a situation, there is no space to see or hear what the other is saying.

So when someone is talking, give space to what the other is saying. Also, give space to understand what the other is trying to convey. Give space to your thoughts, which is trying, to understand what the other is saying. See the space between you and the other. By this approach, more room is given, and in that space, a deeper understanding happens.

What happens is that one is drowned in what one wants to say. Thus, there is no space to include other's opinion or even doubt. One is drowned in what one wants to listen and in such a listening; there is no space for some new idea.

Listening and speaking needs lot of space and in that space, the other is included in one's relatedness. In one's preoccupation of what one wants, other is excluded. So there is no relationship. This is not a selfless attitude, and this attitude does not give healthy altitude.

Hence, the poet is saying, "Are not one's attitude one's true altitude? Who we are seen in what we show in every dancing divine moment.

Life is about relationships. Most of the time we are not relating to the other but are drowned in what we want or what we don't want. Every moment is dancing when I give space to the other, and when I am not addicted to my individuality.

Every moment is dancing when I give space to what is. In that objectivity, I see the beauty of what is. Dry leaf falling from the tree and flower blooming have its own beauty. The snow flakes and the snow melting have its own beauty. When one sees the beauty of "what is", a positive attitude is scaled.

In true love, the disappearance of individuality happens and experience of oneness exists. In this space, there is no validity of the individual. In ego, there is the uniqueness of one's autobiography. This is a foolish greed which is unconsciously catered by the ignorant. Any action by a person who is in that frame of mind is polluted. They miss seeing the joy of love and its fragrance of gratitude. They only see love as "like" and pleasure as "joy". Pleasure is not joy. Pleasure is sensory which has its role but mistaking it as joy is a serious error. This error leads to chaos and thus we miss the cosmos.

Don't allow limitations to limit you. Use limitation to your advantage. In the process of going about, someone may criticize you. Someone criticizing you come as a shock and then you realize that you are on a worldly track of name, fame etcetera. So, shift yourself to another track where you see the need for forgiveness, love and treating hate with love and not hate with hate. This is the "B" influence - the spiritual influence.

You have to be sensitive when someone criticizes you, but to be sentimental is a downward track. Sentimental is reacting to what is, and sensitive is experiencing what is. I am sensitive to see the difference between dark blue and light blue. But if I react to the difference, it is sentimental. This is the error one has to act upon and rectify.

So, when someone criticizes you, be extraordinarily careful in all transactions of life. Don't estimate yourself wrongly because of someone's statement. Don't carry fictions of oneself. The fiction of oneself is the "imaginary self". Then, life gets governed by the imaginary "I".

The object of working on oneself is to bring this inner transformation by observing oneself objectively. Let not the world put you to sleep but awaken you. Any person, who follows the usual behavior of the mad crowd, puts him/her self in fiction and hence to sleep.

Mechanical person is a person who is asleep. Someone says unpleasant things and like a machine we act, which is a reaction. This is a form of sleep, a form of error.

But if one is awake and someone says something, one will see the truth of what the other person is saying and allow the fact of the truth rather than the expectation of what you want him to say to guide you.

Can you see the subtle area you have to work on? You want your expectation, which is fiction in motion, but you don't see facts. Catch this error in life. Observing these reactions is a healthy attitude which will give a broad altitude in one's life.

Thus, in your daily life what is showing up is what the author wants one to look with-in.

There is a visible me, and an invisible me. There is a dimension of "what I am" in the present and the potential of "who I am", which is hidden in me. There is the form which is my body, and there is creativity which is formless but exists as an inner movement. There is a flower which has a form, and there is the presence of the flower in the form of fragrance, which is formless.

The play of form and formless, the visible and invisible exists as a movement in us. Don't stop at the form; allow creativity of the formless to flow through the form.

Your eyes have a form, but the power for the eyes to see is formless, flowing through the form, so too your ears, hands etcetera.